On the train today
Eastbound
I felt my life slowly changing
my perceptions shifting
I suddenly felt like something other than a tourist
Not exactly a visitor
This feeling crept up on me
Surprised me in a way
The question of Where is Home
didn't seem so relevant
for a second
Less significant
But instead I thought
What am I doing
Who am I
The questions don't get easier I thought
I believe questions like these are always lurking around
for all of us
But we aren't always forced to answer them
Questions like these hover
Just above the atmosphere of my day-to-day routines
in the CO2 layer
at the tops of Parliament and St Paul's and Tower Bridge
Still
though I felt overwhelmed for a moment
Eastbound
on the train
I also felt warm
Like if I can be ok with this
than I can be ok
I felt a kind of content
Serenity
after a long day
Peaceful in a buzzing city that's always changing
A city of travelers and visitors and wanderers
People come here to get something
find something
learn something
And then they leave
"And the ones that stay (men she meant at the time)"
My friend Kati said
"You have to wonder about"
Anyway I thought this over again
on the train
and it is strange that the closest thing to home for me
is a massive collection of villages
made into a city
full of transients
from all over the world
And I'm asking myself
Am I one of them?
But then questions like these are far too difficult to answer on a diet of
alcohol
Jamaican food
and espresso
after a day of Carnival.
So I settled for feeling good
peaceful
serene
Because after all
I spent the evening surrounded by two strong amazing female friends over espresso
admidst a carnival
in a city of transients
like me.